I'm going to write this while I'm still pissed off.

So,
I just watched Transformers, the live action 2007 movie (yes, I know it's late and old), and booooooy did it suck.
So I saw the trailers and they had some super serial robots, I was all HFSTLA!

Add the movie does have NICE robots man with the parts and the tickidy sound yeaaah, great job on he 10 000 piece bots, really, everything else, in a typical Michael Bay manor, SUCKED.

Here's why:

-The move like all Michael Bay movies are overblown overdramatised full of slowmotion clips, shaking cameras, louad panic, everythime something mobilises it jus HAS TO show the soldier boarding the jets or whatever. Eve noticed everything in Bay's movies is kinda gray or dark blue and shiny, buff soldiers with tight-ass guns. Macho material, backed with epic music. All this would be just fine, if the movies didn't suck. When you think abotu ti, except for one factor all of his movies are the same. If you take out the astronauts from Armageddon, the cops from Bad boys (well Bad boys 2 at least, cause 1 was okay), the soldiers from The rock and finally the transformers for Transformers, it's all the same stuff!

-Totally unrealistic scenarios; I know! how about a scene where the two teens, some totally unreal MIB type freak I would expect from Fox kids and the secretary of defence make a stand with shotguns in a room with no secret service guard and stuff... stupid.

-Bad script;
"Optimus, Jazz... died." "He was a brave soldier... anyway, we won *drops Jazz's body* let's go get some drinks!"

"Sam... whatever happens... I' m really glad I got in that car with you." Oh yeah, soldiers are firing sable rounds, m-16 going off, jets flying around, giant robots lurchign cars through teh air, crushing people, mass pandemonium, destruction, BUT THERE'S ALWAYS TIME FOR A LOVE SCENE, right =/?

-Selling out. I dont' know about you but I so cleary noticed the PANASONIC card or the CHEVROLET cars, EBAY being metioned more times than the word transform, ect.

As far as the new looks go, some die hard fans argue they don't look much like their old selves. Thank god for that. The old 80s transformers looks like a bunch of metal boxes with fingers and a head. How the are those bulky masses gonna pull realistic stunts like the new ones did?
It's cool that the original Optimus voice actor returned, kinda bad that Megatron's didn't though. But his his voice would be silly with the new Megatron. Still I dont' get why Weaving was chosen for megatron, he must have cosed a fortune and if I wouldnt' have known I would never have guessed it was him.

If I were to cut this movie up in to 7 twenty minute or so parts, only the last two parts would actually have major transformer battle sequences. Here's how the movie should have gone:

It should open with a huge battle on Cybertron, intro, Quatar base getting blowed up, next introduce the human characters, then an at leats 2 minute battle scene, further the plot, transformers killing each other for the glasses, transformers killing each other to get to the base, transformers killing each other to get the allspark, Megatron and Optimus killing each other in a bigass battle, a temporary loss of morale, asskickign followed, victory, conclusion, set up the sequel, the end, transformers running around the city while credits roll.

Seriously, what is wrong with these directors? When you make movies like Spider-man 3 I want to see SPIDER-MAN swinging around kicking ass doing impossible shit, at least a few minutes of web swinging, why the fuck is the movie ending with him dancing with M.J.??? If I wanted that I would read the comic; Comic - drama, characters, story/ Movies - action, CGI, ass kicking. It's that simple!
So if I see a movie called TRANSFORMERS, guess what I want to see in action all the time =/
The decepticons had what, two lines per robot?
Spike, Sam, whatever gets the girl, MAN WHO GIVES A FUCK, GIVE ME SOME NUCLEAR MECHA WARFARE!
We had over twenty years of Cartoons, toys, comics, and mangas for character drama, now we have the CGI to coolen the action. So use it!

I mean fuuuuuck, did you people watch the toon? Pretty much non stop action, the plot and charatcers were already made, you just had to make the robots look cooler, make it more realistic, than just animate and direct it all to ass kick...

JAMES CAMERON WHERE ARE YOU???

(Pic by Stratosmacca)